Movie of Too Many Flying Things -or- Hoo Flung Doo?

So...

I'm rather shocked and surprised at how disappointed I am in "House of Flying Daggers". I truly never expected to dislike it as much as I do. Understand that I am a fan of similar movies: CTHD, Hero, etc. This one though, just fails to compare.

The story for one is just rather *there*. For the first hour our trek through the woods with Blind Leader Daughter Number 1 and Jin was, well, TOO DAMN LONG. The scenes dragged on and on for so long I had a hard time sitting still.

Plot twists. I use the reference loosely because really, there were no "twists" per se as a twist will usually take one off guard. Myshe and I saw all these coming at quite a distance. "Oh wow. He's a double agent that the other double agent thinks isn't really a double agent at all while she's only pretending to be blind and isn't really the blind daughter of the former leader of the House of Flying Daggers but instead is the unknown sister of the main male character who was separated at birth so the Sith wouldn't find them and the force runs strong in her too. Wow." Sometimes, attempted "Plot twists" do nothing but add speed bumps to the path of an otherwise nicely cruising movie and simply ruin it rather than enhancing.

Too.

Many.

Things.

Flying.

Through.

The.

Air.

I mean damn. Watch out there goes a bean. Duck for the daggers! Here comes a bowl. Oh no, stake in the neck. Shooom Arrows galore! Bamboo barrage! Lightning bolt lightning bolt lightning bolt!

Please stop. If I saw one more thing C.G.Fly its way through the air I was going to kick Myshe in the head. I like sword fights and neat special effects as much as the next guy, but there is such a thing as too much. Watching Darth Vader use the force to choke Needa was great! However, had Vader stopped every minute or two to summarily choke each character he passed by in the movies it would have become old very fast.

The choreography in these types of movies is one of the most wonderful aspects of the genre. I thoroughly enjoy seeing moves and physical displays that step into the realm of the fantastic. There is, however, a point you cross that becomes TOO choreographed. This is what I felt from this movie. From the Echo Game at the beginning to the bamboo trap when Jin and Blind Daughter of Old Leader Number 1 are finally caught, it was all just TOO choreographed. It felt to me like read lines from a poor actor. The lines are simply said as learned. There is no making them real.

Related to the overuse of flying things and the choreography I come to the subject of "being unspectacular." You want the hero/heroes or whomever to do things that amaze you. Equally you want their antagonist to go just that extra distance to best the hero/heroes and astound you. "Oh no! However will beat ?!?" This is what makes them what they are. Let us use good old Vader again as our example. Darth V-nator rocks. He flips around and uses the force and messes people up left and right with his little old saber. Hell, he even shrugs off blaster fire with the palms of his hands. That's not too shabby. Now picture this. What if, in addition to Vader, everyone could do the same things? Han uses the force to hit Tie-Fighters with little effort. Luke uses the force to stop the trash compactor from crushing them, Leia uses the force to finish up her Danish-coif in her chambers, the ewoks whip out teensy lightsabers and beat the hell out of the storm troopers, C-3PO uses the force to clean jabba's palace...it would become QUITE vanilla. This is what happened in HOFD. Blind Daughter of Old Leader Number 1 could do pretty much anything combat-wise while dancing as well as using nothing but really long sleeves. Okay, cool. Jin was crazypowerfularrowmaster and a damn good flippity-flip-flip fighter as well. Okay groovy. Leo could bullseye dirt clumps on bamboos poles with daggers while blindfolded. Ummm..okay. The local law enforcement sent to apprehend them could jump around and fly up and down trees and do all sorts of other amazing things. Okay..okay...too much. EVERYONE was incredible in this movie. Everyone had access to amazing skills. When everyone can shoot beams out their eyes and fly through space, then shooting beams out your eyes and flying through space isn't so cool any longer. It becomes trite.

The redeeming quality of the film: Oh my god Takeshi Kaneshiro is so damn hot. I mean...DAMN. He is one of the sexiest men I've ever seen! What's funny is I thought he was hot as the model for Samanosuke in the Onimusha games, but he's five times sexier when not animated! Mmmmm. Three words for Takeshi. Se-eh-xy!



So, there you go. I was rather let down with a film I'd expected to totally want to own. And mind you, I would own it if there were some changes to it like maybe another scene with Takeshi in wet undies. Hey! That adds a lot to a film!

On a scale of 1 to 10...
Phred Phun Phactor: 3
Phred Phine Phactor: 14.6