Okay so this sleeplessness thing is driving me batshit. It's not caffeine, I've cut that out almost completely. It's not really my schedule. I get tired early enough, but I just can't sleep. My mind just seems to keep going when I lie down ninety to nothing. Maybe I need one of those little noise machines that lulls me into a euphoric sleep with the sounds of the ocean crashing against the shoreline or the trickles of a babbling brook through a tropical forest. I'm just worried I'll piss myself in my sleep listening to that crap.
Music at the moment: The Bravery - An Honest Mistake (Superdiscount Mix)
I guess maybe it is the busy mind thing. The noggin's been packed with a lot more than usual lately admittedly: House repair limbo and the imminent hurricane season with NO fixes before hand, getting ready for our Disney World trip with the northern family once John comes home, worrying about the pet girl as she goes on her first business trip, Ritabobita's health, my family, friends having babies...what a jumble.
Yeah, the baby thing. Well this is my personal sounding board so I guess I'll use it. Mind you, if you're close to me and read this you know full well that not all entries are phast, safe, phamily phun so you've been warned, again.
I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with a friend who's health is volatile at best getting pregnant. What's more, this was less of an accident than we'd be expected to think. It was just a couple or so years ago that this friend commented that she wanted to have another child. Okay, okay. Let's make a list shall we?
1) Health.
Bottom line, this is irresponsible. It places the already ailing mother in danger and stacks the deck against the baby as well. I'm not prepared to lose a friend to some romanticized affirmation of womanhood or the fancy of the warm, snuggly "family environment" which barely exists in this situation as it is.
2) Parenthood
My friend works a LOT. She's a damn hard worker and spends a hell of a load of time in the office. In addition, she goes to school. All this to support herself, a 13 year old (Or is he 14 yet? I'm so bad with his age) and the deadbeat husband she's held onto for all these years despite his reluctance to ever hold a job or to act like a spouse. So now, having almost made it through the trials of raising the kid from the last wastoid on her own she jumps headlong into another child with yet another loser! Spock would be appaled at the lack of logic here. My friend is strong. But she isn't this strong. Something is going to give along the way and I'm worried for her. If this guy had ever acted like a husband or a father in any useful capacity other than being a warm body that was there so the kid wasn't alone I might feel an iota better about this. I don't however. Okay so, no job. Great, fine. Not a problem. Is he a house husband? No. Does he clean? Um..I can positively, absolutely guarantee that the answer to that is resoundingly negative. The only thing he seems good at is eating and holding a couch down. This worried me with the current kid, but he was already teenish when they got married. A new baby with him from the start terrifies me.
3) Time
As little time as my friend has now with her kid and herself a new baby introduced into the formula is just upsetting. I'd hate to think she'd lose her mind because she had no her time or the kid or baby felt neglected. All around it just doesn't seem good.
4) Finances
This goes along with the father that doesn't work as well as the singular income from a very hard-working woman. A baby is crazy expensive. Hell, a teenager is expensive too. Now she'll have both, including everything she needs as well as the monetary black hole that is the husband.
I've been trying to get happy about this and to be excited for her, but I simply can't get past all these issues. I'd wonder if it was simply me if most everyone else didn't feel the same way. I'm just very worried. I love my friend. She's one of the closest people to me and practically a sister. One never wants to see family go through something like this.
Oh wise and powerful Maya, please change into some useful form like a mouse or a bird or a groovy creature that breathes deadly gas and quickly bring me the guidance I need. Sometimes a little outside influence helps.
WWMD?
Music at the moment: Fischerspooner - We Need A War
So now the family thing.
I've been waffling on this family issue for a while now. It's funny, Mom and I have talked on many occasions about how we used to sit back and look at other people's families and say "Wow, they're really messed up. So glad our family is rather vanilla and utterly normal!" I guess the karma-go-round came back and bit us on the ass for that. In the last decade or so it's pretty much gone to hell in a rented limo with a wet bar.
For some time now I've wondered what exactly I should do. It helps to see that other people have wise words on similar situations (Not good that others are experiencing family drama). Recently a former friend (Former by her choice not mine. I still have fond memories of her and wish it were different.) blogged about the balance of the situation. Is it worth it? she asked. Pointing out that one starts to weigh support, shoulders to lean on, holidays with family and potential inheritances against peace of mind she really hit close to home. I mean IS it worth it??? I have no worries about my Mother. We have a great relationship and always have. My grandmother? Well, she flounders. One minute she's great and the next she pisses me off like you wouldn't believe with her treatment of family members, her favoritism of "the baby" and her general disdain for basic logic. There's my favorite aunt (Really I count her as the only aunt since the other has pretty much shit away any semblance of desire to actually be an aunt to me) whom I adore. Finally out of a terrible marriage for way too long and with a great guy, now she's being taken on a ride by her two-faced son. Like piece-of-shit father, like son apparently. And lastly we come to "The baby". The youngest sister of my mother. Pampered, coddled and spoiled utterly rotten. Holier-than-thou, socially inept, insecure and sheltered beyond belief. The sense of humor god gave a dead conservative nazi tasmanian devil and no desire to live or love beyond her own little MEMEME world. Thinking back about how she treated my fave aunt during the divorce, the convenience factor she exhibits when dealing with her father or what an asshole she's always been to me, there's no question here about my decision here. My main problem is why I have to come to such decisions. My family used to be pretty simple. Everyone got along and holidays were great. That's been dead for a while now. It's a damn shame that I count my Mother and Step-Father, My aunt and her husband, my northern family and my close friends more as family than the rest. I hate these situations. It always makes me ask:
Feh.
I much prefer the phun blogs.
Music at the moment: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Well it's almost time to go out to dinner with busetta head and the Georgiffer. So I'll just shoot out a quick review of movies watched over the past couple of days.
Bad Education - Gael Garcia Yum-Yum Bernal
Excellent film. I like the layers of the film and the flow. Strongly suggest it. Did I mention Gael Garcia Bernal is in it? Did I mention he walks around in wet see-through undies? Really though, the story is rather intense and has some nice structure. Did I mention the wet see-through undies?
***
Elecktra - who cares
Crap. Well except for..no, that's crap. Crappity crap crap crapioso crapnoxious crapnicity with a craptitutde for crapricious crapillification. Though it IS better than Catwoman. Jennifer Garner is pretty. No wet undies in this one.
Okay off to eat dinner now. Oh yeah...
Happy Cinco De Maya!!
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