Choose Life...

in a cute little jar!

I came across these and decided a pet might be nice on the blog. Hell, maybe even a few! I'll name them later. If anyone can think of a nice name let me know! Everyone should have a name.


I adopted a cute lil' death fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!


I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!






I adopted a cute lil' mummy fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!


I adopted a cute lil' batman fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!





Speaking of Batman. Now that John's home we finally went to see my men in Batman Begins. Mmmmmmm. It was truly a religious experience. I'll blog about it this week.

Veni, Vidi, Vici Quisquiliarum

HOW YA LIKE ME NOW BEEOTCH!!

Garbage disposal removed and new one installed dammit! All I had to do was beat the holy hell out of the old one. And the best part, the new one actually works!

I R T3H PWNXX0R

@!*$# -or- Plumbing Woes beget Phred Throes

So Saturday I discovered water in the cabinets under the kitchen sink. Investigation soon turned up a connection (referred to henceforth as the rubber tube thingy with the c clamp on it)which was loose or simply shot. Closer examination revealed that the metal valve (referred to henceforth as the little metal sticky-out pipe thing) was severely corroded and half had broken off. There was now very little of the little metal sticky-out pipe thing for the rubber tube thingy with the c clamp on it to hold onto. Dilemma.

This small equation will explain the problem:

PhredJohn - Apartment + House = Do It Yourself

Okay, fine. More equations:

PhredJohnHouse + Home Warranty = Trade Call - Do It Yourself

Problem. The Home Warranty bitches aren't open on the weekend.

PhredJohnHouseHomeWarranty - Weekends = Do It Yourself for Immediate Gratification or Wait for a few days.

I chose Immediate Gratification. A Call to the father type and a trip to Sears netted us a new garbage disposal unit ready for installation.

The problem is not putting it on. The problem is getting the old one off.

Let us move past all the punny Phred can't get it off witticisms and get back to the blog entry shall we?

Here are some words I've become intimately aware of over the weekend:

Heave, pull, wrench, jerk, pry, wedge, strain, chisel and mallet.

Phred Phun Phact: Wrenchettes are groovy

So here is the problem...



You see, The Devil won't come apart. It's like crazy fossilized and wouldn't budge. What's more, now as I try to turn it clockwise to unscrew it the sink flange turns as well when it needs to remain still or go in the opposite direction. This, of course, causes:



So the new dilemma consists of a couple options.

1) Take the kit back to Sears then call the Home Warranty people and wait to have half a sink and a dishwsher that works again.

2) Continue to try and get that little monster out from beneath the sink and put the new one in myself to feel a sense of accomplishment.

I have yet to decide what to do. If I had another pair of hands I might have more luck. Maybe if I lodge Kittums in the sink flange it won't turn anymore and I'll have the resistance I need.

Things that make you go Hmmmm.

Situations like this make me wonder...



Maya would most likely tell me that the garbage disposal is primitive and set to designing some new laser disintegration device that would destroy any garbage we placed in the sink. I would most likely then suggest that a Meson Converter would be a better idea since it would allow us to change the garbage into more useful matter rather than destroying it and allow us to recycle 100% of all our waste products. Maya would then change into a large orange space creature with a tail, bulbous faceted eyes and a black mane and slap me silly. Changing back she would explain that only Dorcons use Meson Converters and that my statement was a terribly insensitive and ignorant thing to suggest. Maya would be right.

Maya rocks.

Added a new site under Groovy Links today. Ron showed it to me. Thanks Ron! He got it from Cookie. Thanks Cookie! Postsecret

Oh, my. I needed this to start my day off nearly peeing myself with laughter. Have no fear. It's G-Rated.

ZOGG

Childhood Rears Its Ugly Head

Okay, so I really liked the Super Friends when I was little. Though I can remember even then having a problem with inconsistencies in plot and feasibility. Never had I imagined how badly these concepts were utterly tossed to the dogs. Admittedly, Volume One was no better, but Volume Two is even worse. Were kids really that stupid back then? Or did the producers of such shows just think so? Some highlights...

Episode 2: Demons of Exxor is about the evil Lord Darkon who seems hellbent on ruling the the galaxy of Nova 12 which lies "a million light years from Earth". His last hurdle before total victory is the planet Exxor, home to the Wonder Twins Zan and Jayna. Using his something-something-or-other ray he creates a large creature from the fears of all Exxorians that proceeds to wreak havoc by melting the same stock footage building repeatedly. So, all the super Friends are busy. Zan and Jayna are, of course, told to come home and help and are promptly teleported "a million light years from Earth" to their home planet. They prove useless (as usual) and it looks like the Exxorians are all doomed (even though according to the twins all exxorians have these powers...but they're the only two who even attempt to use them). So, yadda yadda, the Super Friends find out what's going on and all head to Exxor in the Bat Rocket and Wonder Woman's Invisible jet. The trip only takes a brief few minutes since it's just "a million light years from Earth". Fighting breaks out, Super Friends are thwarted, blah blah blah, then Lord Darkon (Welfare Darth Vader) turns the scrambledy-pambledy ray on Wonder Woman and creates a creature from her greatest fears: A giant, floating, pink, polka dotted, bearded octopus-jellyfish. Assuring us that Wonder Woman did not use too much acid when younger, Aquaman points out that this is "Logar" a creature from amazonian mythology. Um. Yeah. Okay. I'll believe Aquaman because he's hot. More story, more story and the good guys win, Exxor is saved.

That jumps us immediately over to Episode 8: Terror from the Phantom Zone. Interestingly enough this is seriously similar to Superman II, which came in '80. So, we have a comet that happens to smash into the Phantom Zone thereby releasing three kryptonian criminals Superman placed there some time ago. (The timeline is hazy at best. Were they placed there post Krypton's destruction? Meaning they survived? Or were they placed there before the end of that world, meaning Superman couldn't have put them there.) Anywho, the kryptonian captives Hul, Rom-Lok and Logar-

. . .

Logar? Wait. That's a kryptonian name? But I thought it was an amazonian creature from mythology that Wonder Woman peed her panties over. Were the creators reeeeally lacking the creativity to make another name? Let's hope this was some little homage to someone named Logar. So Hul, Rom-Lok and the kryptoamazonian mythological criminal all head to earth where they too are as powerful as Superman. They cause much chaos and manage somehow to procure some red kryptonite to make Superman grow old (though when they expose him to it they aren't affected). Long story short, blue kryptonite fixes Superman and they trick the criminal trio into being exposed to red krytponite as well causing them to shrink, turn to metal and get hairy before sending them back to the Phantom Zone. Oh yeah, some of the super friends were put into the Phantom Zone earlier in the episode too and apparently there's a multi-tentacled phantom creature running around in there that Hul, Rom-Lok and Logar have avoided for a very long time.

But wait, there's more! Episode 7: Attack of the Vampire was a doozy. Okay, Dracula wakes up after 100 years. He turns into a bat and carries a little pouch up into the stormy clouds of Transylvania where he sprinkles the magic vampire dust. An unsuspecting jet passes through the powder and all aboard turn to vampires!!! It's amazing how far the vampire process has come since Nosferatu. No more messy blood-sucking, just add powder! So, these vamps all meet with Dracula who wants "To change the entire world into vampires!" I can't possibly understand why he'd want that, but okay. So the Newpires all head out along the Alps and other equally remote areas and begin to change more people into Vampires. But do they use powder? NO!! The creation process has taken yet another evolutionary leap in the span of a few minutes. These vampires shoot red beams from their eyes that turn people into blood-suck-...um..undead beam-shooters. There were just so many issues in this one I can't cover them all. Somewhere in the mix Zan and jayna try to help by changing into a Wooly Mammoth and ice water. Whatever. So Superman, Zan and Jayna all get shot and become Vampires. Okay, fine. So now they're vamps. Whatever shall the Super Friends do? In one conflict Batman and Robin barely manage to escape! Luckily their capes seem to reflect the vampire eyebeams. Thank Goodness! Blah blah, they head to the Swiss Institute for Biological research where some chick tells them that there is one type of bat that seems immune to the effect of the vampire rays. Um, how did miss thing know this? What possible reserach was done to let us know this during this situation?! Okay, fine. Batman and Robin head to the Andes caves where this bat lives because apparently the gas in the cave makes it immune. They manage to collect a teensy and I mean small cannister of the gas which they intend to use on hundreds of hundreds of beam-shooting vampires, but almost fail to make it away when they have to struggle in a fight with your typical every day standard issue giant Andes cave spider. Okay, fine. Having procured the gas they turn Superman and the Blunder Twins back to normal. Superman has a great idea! Using his heat vision to make his clothes gray and drab again like when he was a vampire (Though NO ONE else's clothes changed color) he decides he'll sneak back to Dracula's castle and take him out! Excellent idea Superman! With the aid of Batman's Bat-makeup...no, I am not lying. Really. I mean it....*ahem* Bat-makeup(which he has on him of course. Never leave the cave without your Bat-Drag), they make him look like a vampire once again. He flies back, shakes Dracula around by the shirt which is apparently all you needed to do to the most powerful vampire in legend and the world is saved once again!

Wow.

All I can say is...



I'll tell you what Maya would do. She'd have used some sort of wonderfully devised sonic-laser device to round up all the vampires, changed into an Andes Cave Gas Creature, broken the mammoth's neck, drank the Zan Ice water, spewed the curing gas all over the vampire minions, shoved Dracula out an airlock and then stayed on as a Super Friend to train the others in how to kick ass. Their first mission, of course, being to destroy the planet Exxor and rid the universe of such poseur "metamorphs".

So, with all this in just a few episodes how do I feel about the Super Friends cartoons I used to love so much in my youth?

I couldn't love them more!

Pencils Down, Close Your Tune Test Books

Tune Test answers all completed. Overall not bad...for the two people I knew would get most if not all.

Shape of a 2 DVD set! Form of a new blog entry!

Music at the moment: Michael Bublé - Feeling Good

YAY, Volume Two!!!




It took long enough dammit. Short entry today as I head out...

Meanwhile, downstairs in the living room...


to watch an episode while working out.

Happy Birthday Pete!

Again with the jumbled dates in the head! This blog entry is late by 2 days unfortunately.

A very happy *62nd birthday to my dear friend Pete! Sorry I mixed up 12th and 15th. I'm hard pressed to block this small section of June from memory since it encompasses another birthday that is better left forgotten. I'll try harder to replace June 13th birthday alert with the 12th.



* Just kidding folks. I think he's closer to 43 or something.

Music at the moment: Backstreet Boys - My Beautiful Woman

Michael Jackson acquitted across the board. What-thefuck-ever. Again we see the immunity celebrity affords iniquitous scoundrels. Feh and double feh.

One Of The Few Christians I Genuinely Like!

I love Christian Bale.

It's no secret. Any of my friends know he's quite high on the Phred top [insert number here] list of "Men That make Phred Swoon." It doesn't hurt that he's an Aquarius that shares the same birthday with me. (Yay!)

I remember seeing him in Empire of the Sun when he was like 13 and then a little later that movie Newsies. It wasn't until Swing Kids, another one of my favorite old movies, that I began to really get into him. Sexy, talented and fun to watch, Christian always struck me as a real actor. By real I mean not some hollywood construct that's prefabricated and packaged prefectly for public consumption. Too many "actors" these days are simply assembly line products rather than bona fide craftsmen.

Continuing on through his career, one of the sexiest cartoon characters in Pocahontas (Yes cartoon characters can be sexy.) was voiced by him much to my titillation. I love Thomas. He beats John Smith any day of the week.

Portrait of a Lady, Metroland (Love this film and Emily Watson as well!), Velvet Goldmine (One of my favorite movies), A Midsummer Night's Dream, American Psycho (Yay Brett Easton Ellis!), Captain Corelli's mandolin, Reign of Fire (The movie itself was a let down but he was nice to look at), Equilibrium (Vastly underrated movie. Love this film), Howl's voice in the english version of Howl's Moving Castle, Batman Begins (Rrrrrrow) and coming up as John Rolfe in The New World.

Last night I watched another of his movies. The Machinist. Wow.

This movie was a return to the creepy movies that used to make one get nervous as if one was the main character in the movie. 106 minutes of Hitchcockian Twilight Zone calibre film that kept me watching the screen. All the performances were great, Jennifer Jason Leigh (Who's always fantastic) and Christian, of course, at the top of the list. The most disturbing thing about the movie is how well you're sucked into the movie's setting. You want immersion? Nothing immerses you better than feeling like you really are watching a guilt-stricken man fighting with sleeplessness and slow, steady disintegration than seeing an actor who usually looks like this:



turn into someone who looks like this:



It's surreal. I've seen other performers take similar action for films, Ben Kingsley in Gandhi, Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple, but never to the level Christian did for The Machinist. He was unnervingly gaunt and his waistline alone made me wince.

The movie is superb. I recommend it to anyone who likes a good scary thrill-ride.

Phred Phun Phactor: 8.5 out of 10

In summary:

I love Christian Bale MORE.

Stuff

Came across this today and nearly piddled. Must share!

Love is...

******

My wait for this movie has been way too long!

Mirrormask

Music at the moment: Juliette and the Licks - Got Love To Kill (Remix)

H

Finally found this movie to watch and snatched it up. This was another Tartan film that I'd read about when i first heard about A Tale of Two Sisters. This one was good, but rather slow. It's never a good sign when you find yourself looking at the time to see how far you are into a film. The movie begins feeling a bit like some Korean rendition of a Hannibal film. (Sirence of the Rambs). Eventually it moves past that association. The characters were decent and the plot interesting. I guessed at the title early on and laughed when it turned out to be right. Were it not for the slow pace, this would definitely be among my Asian Horror collection. Extreme bonus to this film? Jin-hee Ji. I don't know what the word for Hot is in Korean, but he's all that and a bowl of Kimchi. Mmm!



Phred Phun Phactor: 5 out of 10

Here's To You Mrs. Robinson

Well damn. Today was going so nicely until I saw the news. Between stand-offs in California and the Jackson trial I was lambasted by the news that one of my favorite actors was gone. I guess now i'll watch Torch Song Trilogy and some of the other Bancroft movies I'd thought about a couple weeks ago. All the good ones are moving on. Sigh.

Anne Bancroft
September 17, 1931 - June 6, 2005

47 Years, 26 Making Art

Music at the moment: Prince - The Greatest Romance Ever Sold

Another year rolls around and June 7th hits us again.
Just want to send a sincere "Thanks!" to a man who has
single-handedly kept me dancing since I was nine.

REAL NAME: Prince Rogers Nelson
BIRTHDAY: June 7, 1958
ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME INDUCTEE: 2004
"Peace and B wild." - Prince, 1997

Tune Test

A spot of phun from Pete. I hope someone other than Bryan and Josh do these. I have no doubt they could hit most of them without trying. If no one gets them and Josh and Bryan don't eventually fill in the answers I'll post them later. In some I put a hefty chunk of lyrics because the smaller lines are pretty vague. Some are simple, some are obscure, all are on my huge playlist. Have Phun!

1. Put your iPod on "Shuffle Songs". (Or if you defy iPod and use an alternative)
2. Take the first 20 songs and write a line of lyrics from each.
3. Strike out the song every time someone guesses correctly.
4. NO CHEATING! It's no phun!

Okay all the answers in Red no one got. The ones in Purple are credited to those that answered them first.

Our winner is:


Panamabry!

*****************

1) Guess I left you shell shocked baby, I didn't mean to cry so hard (Wendy & Lisa - Turn Me Inside Out)

2) 7-month-old baby died in her sleep, The parents went crazy and cried for a week , They swore they heard her laugh in the crib by the wall, They're convinced she's with us if she's anything at all (Others Here With Us - Prince: Panamabry)

3) Limousine, Diamond Ring, Caviar, Make it with a star (Madame X - Just That Type Of Girl)

4) ...this ain't revenge, it's puttin' the past on the shelf, 'cause bitch means being in total control of herself. (Tairrie B - Ruthless Bitch)

5) It may seem to other people like we've come from outer space, but we're really just two nurses on the staff. (I had to include this one just to make Bryan pee a little) (Dykes Are We - The Frogs: Panamabry)

6)I'm in heaven with the maven of funk mutation (Genius Of Love - Tom Tom Club: Panamabry)

7) Confusion heads a lonely game, nothing answered things left the same, if I still don't understand myself, how can I explain to someone else? (Jean Beauvoir - Feel The Heat)

8) ...can't be trusted, good for nothing type of brotha, everything you claimed to be was a lie (Why'd You Lie To Me - Anastacia: Panamabry)

9) Can you ride the rhythm of this human wave, Caught up in the music and the space you save, Caught up in the magic of it, Caught up in the madness (Device - Hanging On A Heart Attack)

10) And I don't want no other to play my stupid games, you were the one for me and I feel I'm losing my soul (Jocelyn Enriquez - Everything I need, Shame shame Bryan! I knew you'd get this one.)

11) sell us ersatz dressed up and real fake (Marilyn Manson - Rock Is Dead)

12 Made your acquaintance late one night, You were floating around, You know you gave me quite a fright (Supernatural - Madonna: Panamabry)

13) No me digas cuanto es que me amas (Falsas Esperanzas - Christina Aguilera: Panamabry)

14) I cant go on, stop rocking the tune, 'cause I get down, 'cause I get down (Don't Stop - Freestylers: Joshua)

15) Just before 2:15 in the morning, Josie was doin the hustle with a ruffneck named James (Tuesday Afternoon - Jennifer Brown: Panamabry)

16) What could he do? Should have been a rock star, but he didn’t have the money for a guitar (Army Dreamers - Kate Bush: Panamabry)

17) Alabaster moon, incandescent power, Kunda flower. She is white as snow, gleaming, pure, divine ivory ascending, I am calling (Sarasvati - Jane Child: Panamabry)

18) The owner is this mean old bitch who degrades him every day (I've Committed Murder - Macy Gray: Panamabry)

19) The bed's on fire, your fate is sealed and you're so tired and the reason is camille (Shockadelica - Prince: Panamabry)

20) A delectable dimension undetectable by sight (The World Exploded Into Love - Bob Schneider: Panamabry)

Music at the moment: The Pussycat Dolls - "Don't Cha"

Today is sort of blech. It's icky, sticky and hot outside and there are too many bugs. I can't wait to be up north where it's either not so oppressive or at least only oppressive in smaller intervals.

Kittums seems to feel a little better since we clipped him. For not being a long hair cat he's quite the shaggy hippy. I want to keep him shaved, but it's such a chore. Julio isn't even an option. He needs a cut, but the minute you turn on the clippers he freaks and goes on a killing spree. Cats suck. Dogs suck. Birds are the devil. I miss my Boa.

I watched a few movies this week so here's my contribution to the world of opinion.

Undertow

I really enjoyed this movie. It was an odd look at country people with a thriller side story. Since Billy Elliot I really liked Jamie Bell. In this movie he's really gorwn up. Which sort of makes me feel dirty because he's so hot now. Sort of that "I remember him when he was little" thing. The movie's "making of" special was really well done. Josh Lucas headed it (Who I have a newfound love for. He's rrrrrrrrrrow). And I always love Dermot Mulroney. Patrice Johnson also moved me in her small, but potent performance. It's actors like her that make me pine for the craft.

Phred Phun Phactor: 6 out of 10

******

Meet The Fockers

This was cute, but really didn't have the spirit of the first one. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy it and it was entertaining for the time spent so I guess it did its job. Barbara had me laughing believe it or not in some of her moments. Her "Plotz" line got me good.

Phred Phun Phactor: 5 out of 10

******

Everyone

My gay cinema infusion for the week. Feh. There were no characters in this movie I liked. They're all pretty despicable. Ryan's a prick and then we're supposed to feel sorry for him when Grant does the cute transient in the bathroom as their wedding ceremony starts? No. Grant should have walked out earlier that day when Ryan was being such a shvantz! And Grant! What a piece of work. Don't do the cute transient when you're supposed to be downstairs getting married! Lord! Have you no couth???And then there are all the extraneous dysfunctional family members that you just look at and shrug. Who cares? I'm supposed to care. I don't care. Burn the house down while they're all in it. If I wanted to watch a family with stupid problems I'd just organize a reunion of my own.

Phred Phun Phactor: 1 out of 10

*******

Music at the moment: Gorillaz - "Feel Good Inc"

I rented another Takashi Miike called MPD Psycho. I believe it's a series or somesuch. Let's hope it doesn't disappoint. If it does, I'll need to go back and watch Audition again. Truly a new horror classic for me.

I need a chai. This no car thing is getting to me a hell of a lot more than I expected. I loathe the idea of another bill, especially one around 300 a month, but I think we're going to have to go looking for another car when John gets home. Ick.

I also want to dance. It's odd to get the urge after so long. By dance I mean perform, not just shake butt around the house. I know I could pick up the phone and be booked with Snowy in two shakes, but I just don't know. I'm not 18 anymore. That was 5 long years ago.

...
...
...

Music at the moment: Shakira feat. Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura [Shaketon Remix]

Okay okay..I tried. that was 17 long years ago. And while I still jam around the house here and there I don't know if i still have the stamina for routines. I guess i won't know until I try. Maybe when I drop another 20 pounds and I'm back to where I was when I used to dance I'll make that call. Then I can chant "Don't call it a comeback because I never went away!...oh wait, yes I did. Okay, call it a comeback."

Okay off to pay bills. *nose wrinkle*

Oh My God Becky...

Look at this video!

Baby Got Book

Thanks to Live Journalist Matthew Keller for exposure to this.

I think I just peed a little.

You know, Saint Matthew's Churches in Tulsa Oklahoma at PO Box 21210, Tulsa OK 74121-9938 should really employ Southpaw! Then they could send me Sacred Anointed CDs. At least then it would be music.