Sarah is chastising me for not posting on a regular basis. This is for her. Pbpbpbpbpbpbt!
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience.
***
A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have this terrible rash.” She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ‘M’ shaped rash. The doctor replies, “Now that is the strangest rash I’ve ever seen.” The woman explains, “Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.” The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way.
The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash.“How did you get that?” the doctor asks. “My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,” she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way.
The third day another young woman comes into the doctor’s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ‘M’ on her chest. “Let me guess,” the doctor says. “Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?” “No,” the patient replies, “My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.”
Friday, January 30, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Fun with Divinity!
Yay! More fun from Jane! She finds the neatest things.
Phred's Results:
They sure as hell got the weakness right!
John's results:
Phred's Results:
They sure as hell got the weakness right!
John's results:
Friday, January 23, 2004
The Trip Out West pt. Deux or An Ode to Lushbians
Music today is Wendy & Lisa's "Eroica". Superb.
Friday we were allowed to sleep in by our gracious hostessesses until 9:30ish before motivating to ready ourselves for our day of wine tasting! After gathering ourselves into warm bundles we headed to Sonoma and decided to fill our tummies at the Sonoma Cheese Factory. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM! We sampled the little cubes of cheese along the front before heading outside to order our burgers. They even had a veggie one for me! John had a regular one with Garlic Jack while I had my veggie with a melted piece of Mediterranean Jack which was absolutely delicious. While lusting over Jane's with Chili Cheddar on top we decided to have another veggie to split only this one with the same cheddar. Each was spectacular and we were wonderfully sated in preparation for our day out destroying our liver.
We first headed to the lovely Sebastiani to begin our tasting day. The décor was pretty, though a bit like some corporate storefront. The wine was good and John and I bought a bottle of 1999 Sylvia Sebastiani’s Symphony. As per the back label “Symphony is an improved, high-quality Muscat hybrid”. All I know is that it’s a dessert wine and it’s damn good. Unfortunately we didn’t get any pictures here, but we have plenty from other vineyards.
Next was Ravenswood. From the lush greenery everywhere to the cobblestone walkway the grounds are so beautiful! Inside the actual building is warm, cozy and quite comfortable. The woman serving us was very knowledgeable about the wines there and their histories. She was very nice, but lacked a “fun” quality. Here we bought our little bottle of 2002 Late Harvest Gewurztraminer. I have found that Gewurtz is probably one of my favorite wines ever.
Faces have been smileyfied to protect the innocent.
Off to Gundlach Bundschu we went! When we arrived we were so impressed with how beautiful it was. I took lots of pictures of “The Shire” as I’ve come to call it and half expected to see little drunk hobbits after each turn.
Inside the room was heated by an old-fashioned wood burning stove and was so comfortably rustic. Our server here was knowledgeable AND fun! She made us feel at home and we enjoyed listening to her as much as she seemed to listen to us talk about subtle “coconut” and “oak” flavors. My phrase du jour for our wine tasting day was “Gay and Sprightly” which really didn’t apply to anything we sampled there. We ended up leaving there warm, toasty and happy with a bottle of 2002 Morse Vineyard Zinfandel which I’ll be cooking with.
On suggestion from the woman at Gundlach Bundschu we then drove to Artesa. This was a gorgeous building set into a hill with fountains galore and babbling brooks running down each side of the stone steps. We really liked the look of the place as it had a feel of museum/art gallery. The downside to this, however, is the lack of “wine love” and personality noted by Sarah at first. Architecturally it was great, but we opted to browse and leave rather than stay and sample.
The last stop on our wine trip was Cline Cellars. Very homey and transporting me to the set of “The Waltons” our experience here was nice as well. The man serving was chatty to a point but let us have our time and look around at the wonderful marinades and spreads they had to offer. John picked the wine here and he chose a delightful (good wine word I find) 2002 Vin Gris. We had 4 bottles of wine at this point. I think our lovely tour guides had 23. Them’s is some wine-lovin’ ladies!
After walking the grounds and looking at the ponds and various birdies in cages we headed back to the city to meet J&S friends Austin and Jane (Referred to as Fuego given her FLAMING red hair) for dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. The Blue Nile I think it was called and all our food was served on one large round pan with lines of pastes, rices and salad that we ate with torn pieces of spongy crepe-like bread. It was really cool and delicious. I ordered a glass of Honey Wine which we passed around the table. The whole experience was tres groovy.
Done with dinner we returned to homestead and Austin broke out his Munchkin game that none of them had played yet. We jogged through rules as we sipped on Port and played one very long game while the dogs, Timmy and Otis, dined in the background on dried cow penis…the things pets will eat! We had a blast laughing over the cards and everyone’s back-stabbing. It truly is a game for friends! Done with this, we had our fun with “Dirty Mad-Libs”. Each was great but I think the evening’s winner was Sarah’s “Monstrosity” a new dance, which John and I had to perform. Fuego and Austin were great and I hope to keep in touch with them as well. Who knew Austin, a studying priest, would be so good at “Dirty Mad-Libs”!?
All retired soon after our long eventful day and evening and slept soundly. That is, until I awoke at 5:45 am sick to my stomach and feeling dizzy. Which brings us to my Saturday in California!
This was the extent of my site-seeing for the majority of Saturday.
Apparently I picked up some sort of 12 hour virus that left me leaned over the pot rather than running around enjoying myself. John and Jane did venture out and went to do their own thing while Sarah watched QAF downstairs and then left to go play soccer. After hours of moaning, groaning, expelling and finally getting over it. I came downstairs a new, albeit sore, man. We left after showers and the like to eat at a really good Cambodian place (We think it was called Mekong Delta) where I had clay pot chicken in a caramel sauce. Damn it was good!
With dinner done we headed to Alameda and to my Mecca!
I could have spent a whole hell of a lot of money in Trader Joe’s had I not felt icky and sore. Thankfully that stopped me. We did get some yummy things to bring home and a lovely new Soy Vay sauce that I’m dying to try out. It was time well spent!
Having sated my TJ fix we returned home and settled in to watch my dance tape and “All Over The Guy” with yummy Sarah Chai Lattes. I was so very pleasantly surprised by a sudden birthday celebration when we settled in. A biscotti "birthday cake" and pressies from my baby and my two wonderful hostesses made the whole day fade away. I love you guys!
Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the Trip to California!
Friday we were allowed to sleep in by our gracious hostessesses until 9:30ish before motivating to ready ourselves for our day of wine tasting! After gathering ourselves into warm bundles we headed to Sonoma and decided to fill our tummies at the Sonoma Cheese Factory. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM! We sampled the little cubes of cheese along the front before heading outside to order our burgers. They even had a veggie one for me! John had a regular one with Garlic Jack while I had my veggie with a melted piece of Mediterranean Jack which was absolutely delicious. While lusting over Jane's with Chili Cheddar on top we decided to have another veggie to split only this one with the same cheddar. Each was spectacular and we were wonderfully sated in preparation for our day out destroying our liver.
We first headed to the lovely Sebastiani to begin our tasting day. The décor was pretty, though a bit like some corporate storefront. The wine was good and John and I bought a bottle of 1999 Sylvia Sebastiani’s Symphony. As per the back label “Symphony is an improved, high-quality Muscat hybrid”. All I know is that it’s a dessert wine and it’s damn good. Unfortunately we didn’t get any pictures here, but we have plenty from other vineyards.
Next was Ravenswood. From the lush greenery everywhere to the cobblestone walkway the grounds are so beautiful! Inside the actual building is warm, cozy and quite comfortable. The woman serving us was very knowledgeable about the wines there and their histories. She was very nice, but lacked a “fun” quality. Here we bought our little bottle of 2002 Late Harvest Gewurztraminer. I have found that Gewurtz is probably one of my favorite wines ever.
Faces have been smileyfied to protect the innocent.
Off to Gundlach Bundschu we went! When we arrived we were so impressed with how beautiful it was. I took lots of pictures of “The Shire” as I’ve come to call it and half expected to see little drunk hobbits after each turn.
Inside the room was heated by an old-fashioned wood burning stove and was so comfortably rustic. Our server here was knowledgeable AND fun! She made us feel at home and we enjoyed listening to her as much as she seemed to listen to us talk about subtle “coconut” and “oak” flavors. My phrase du jour for our wine tasting day was “Gay and Sprightly” which really didn’t apply to anything we sampled there. We ended up leaving there warm, toasty and happy with a bottle of 2002 Morse Vineyard Zinfandel which I’ll be cooking with.
On suggestion from the woman at Gundlach Bundschu we then drove to Artesa. This was a gorgeous building set into a hill with fountains galore and babbling brooks running down each side of the stone steps. We really liked the look of the place as it had a feel of museum/art gallery. The downside to this, however, is the lack of “wine love” and personality noted by Sarah at first. Architecturally it was great, but we opted to browse and leave rather than stay and sample.
The last stop on our wine trip was Cline Cellars. Very homey and transporting me to the set of “The Waltons” our experience here was nice as well. The man serving was chatty to a point but let us have our time and look around at the wonderful marinades and spreads they had to offer. John picked the wine here and he chose a delightful (good wine word I find) 2002 Vin Gris. We had 4 bottles of wine at this point. I think our lovely tour guides had 23. Them’s is some wine-lovin’ ladies!
After walking the grounds and looking at the ponds and various birdies in cages we headed back to the city to meet J&S friends Austin and Jane (Referred to as Fuego given her FLAMING red hair) for dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. The Blue Nile I think it was called and all our food was served on one large round pan with lines of pastes, rices and salad that we ate with torn pieces of spongy crepe-like bread. It was really cool and delicious. I ordered a glass of Honey Wine which we passed around the table. The whole experience was tres groovy.
Done with dinner we returned to homestead and Austin broke out his Munchkin game that none of them had played yet. We jogged through rules as we sipped on Port and played one very long game while the dogs, Timmy and Otis, dined in the background on dried cow penis…the things pets will eat! We had a blast laughing over the cards and everyone’s back-stabbing. It truly is a game for friends! Done with this, we had our fun with “Dirty Mad-Libs”. Each was great but I think the evening’s winner was Sarah’s “Monstrosity” a new dance, which John and I had to perform. Fuego and Austin were great and I hope to keep in touch with them as well. Who knew Austin, a studying priest, would be so good at “Dirty Mad-Libs”!?
All retired soon after our long eventful day and evening and slept soundly. That is, until I awoke at 5:45 am sick to my stomach and feeling dizzy. Which brings us to my Saturday in California!
This was the extent of my site-seeing for the majority of Saturday.
Apparently I picked up some sort of 12 hour virus that left me leaned over the pot rather than running around enjoying myself. John and Jane did venture out and went to do their own thing while Sarah watched QAF downstairs and then left to go play soccer. After hours of moaning, groaning, expelling and finally getting over it. I came downstairs a new, albeit sore, man. We left after showers and the like to eat at a really good Cambodian place (We think it was called Mekong Delta) where I had clay pot chicken in a caramel sauce. Damn it was good!
With dinner done we headed to Alameda and to my Mecca!
I could have spent a whole hell of a lot of money in Trader Joe’s had I not felt icky and sore. Thankfully that stopped me. We did get some yummy things to bring home and a lovely new Soy Vay sauce that I’m dying to try out. It was time well spent!
Having sated my TJ fix we returned home and settled in to watch my dance tape and “All Over The Guy” with yummy Sarah Chai Lattes. I was so very pleasantly surprised by a sudden birthday celebration when we settled in. A biscotti "birthday cake" and pressies from my baby and my two wonderful hostesses made the whole day fade away. I love you guys!
Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the Trip to California!
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
John's Results
Jane and John have a lot more in common than I thought!
Eleanor Roosevelt! Nice to see you.
A Roosevelt yourself, you married your fifth cousin Franklin; despite the obvious incestuous overtones, your six kids were happy and healthy.
When Franklin got elected, you became perhaps the most controversial first lady ever - you spoke out for the rights of women; for the rights of the poor; for world peace. You were even a member of a union while your husband was in office - and when he died, you were the head of the UN Commission on Human Rights.
All of which is pretty kick ass, but to top things off you had a hot and steamy relationship with the lesbian journalist Lorena Hickok, who was so madly in love with you that she halted her career for you. Unfortunately, you couldn't give up your public life that easily - leaving her heartbroken.
Bitch.
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Eleanor Roosevelt! Nice to see you.
A Roosevelt yourself, you married your fifth cousin Franklin; despite the obvious incestuous overtones, your six kids were happy and healthy.
When Franklin got elected, you became perhaps the most controversial first lady ever - you spoke out for the rights of women; for the rights of the poor; for world peace. You were even a member of a union while your husband was in office - and when he died, you were the head of the UN Commission on Human Rights.
All of which is pretty kick ass, but to top things off you had a hot and steamy relationship with the lesbian journalist Lorena Hickok, who was so madly in love with you that she halted her career for you. Unfortunately, you couldn't give up your public life that easily - leaving her heartbroken.
Bitch.
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
National Phredpoon's: San Francisco Vacation
Today is a musicless day. The hubby is feeling icky so I'm keeping it quiet.
Wow.
I have truly never had such a great time in my life! Our trip to see Jane and Sarah was out of this world! So much in fact that a mere 24 hours into it John was whispering threats of "not going home" to me all through Fisherman's Wharf. I have to say, I was entertaining the very same thoughts myself. A mix of wonderful things to do, great weather (at least to me) and two incredibly compatible new friends made it very hard to even think of packing up and coming home.
On Wednesday the 14th we arrived and were greeted by Miss Jane in the Oakland Airport Baggage Claim with her cute "Pashyd, Catavaluni" sign. Once collected we headed off to the homestead and stopped for "Flipper" burgers on the way. Mmmmmmmmmmm! The rest of the night was spent meeting The Sarah, tasting white wines for selection, eating an incredible pork dinner prepared by Chef Jane and relaxing for the next day's events.
Thursday we hit the road bright and early where Miss Sarah dropped us adventurers off for our Alcatraz trip. The weather was crisp and cold and felt SO good! We walked about and fed overweight seagulls bits of pretzel before embarking on our boat trip.
Gordo!
The Boat ride was cool and we took many a shot of the island from a distance before making our way onto its shores.
I don't know these people and they weren't with us. I think they were foreign. Most on the boat were.
The island was too cool with its winding walkways and excellent views. We had a really good time and enjoyed the history offered about the facility. First stop a winner!
After that we spent a good portion of the day walking Fisherman's Wharf eating truffles, China Town searching for "Hello Kitty" Chopsticks and various other trinkets and eventually made our way down to meet Sarah at the Grace Cathedral.
From there we headed to Haight-Ashbury to have dinner. The drive was colorful and yielded many a good picture.
The restaurant we went to was called Cha Cha Cha and was carribean in flavor. The food was outstanding! My favorite part of the meal was the Platanos dish in black bean sauce with drizzled sour cream. Either it was the best thing on the menu or the two pitchers of Sangria were. Needless to say, we enjoyed the hell out of it.
After this, to sober a bit before drinving home, we stopped down the street at Amoeba Music. A second hand store of CDs, Vinyl and various other things it reminded me of my long stints in Atlanta's Litte Five points and my favorite music stroe there Wax-n-Fax, only much larger. I found my Frogs CD and Sarah left with an armful of music ranging from Poi Dog Pondering to the new Nelly Furtado. After that we headed back to the house and chilled before hitting the sack.
Wedesday and Thursday down. We still have Friday, Saturday and Sunday left to go!
Join us again next Blog for the continuation of our little Florida couple's adventures in the west!
Wow.
I have truly never had such a great time in my life! Our trip to see Jane and Sarah was out of this world! So much in fact that a mere 24 hours into it John was whispering threats of "not going home" to me all through Fisherman's Wharf. I have to say, I was entertaining the very same thoughts myself. A mix of wonderful things to do, great weather (at least to me) and two incredibly compatible new friends made it very hard to even think of packing up and coming home.
On Wednesday the 14th we arrived and were greeted by Miss Jane in the Oakland Airport Baggage Claim with her cute "Pashyd, Catavaluni" sign. Once collected we headed off to the homestead and stopped for "Flipper" burgers on the way. Mmmmmmmmmmm! The rest of the night was spent meeting The Sarah, tasting white wines for selection, eating an incredible pork dinner prepared by Chef Jane and relaxing for the next day's events.
Thursday we hit the road bright and early where Miss Sarah dropped us adventurers off for our Alcatraz trip. The weather was crisp and cold and felt SO good! We walked about and fed overweight seagulls bits of pretzel before embarking on our boat trip.
Gordo!
The Boat ride was cool and we took many a shot of the island from a distance before making our way onto its shores.
I don't know these people and they weren't with us. I think they were foreign. Most on the boat were.
The island was too cool with its winding walkways and excellent views. We had a really good time and enjoyed the history offered about the facility. First stop a winner!
After that we spent a good portion of the day walking Fisherman's Wharf eating truffles, China Town searching for "Hello Kitty" Chopsticks and various other trinkets and eventually made our way down to meet Sarah at the Grace Cathedral.
From there we headed to Haight-Ashbury to have dinner. The drive was colorful and yielded many a good picture.
The restaurant we went to was called Cha Cha Cha and was carribean in flavor. The food was outstanding! My favorite part of the meal was the Platanos dish in black bean sauce with drizzled sour cream. Either it was the best thing on the menu or the two pitchers of Sangria were. Needless to say, we enjoyed the hell out of it.
After this, to sober a bit before drinving home, we stopped down the street at Amoeba Music. A second hand store of CDs, Vinyl and various other things it reminded me of my long stints in Atlanta's Litte Five points and my favorite music stroe there Wax-n-Fax, only much larger. I found my Frogs CD and Sarah left with an armful of music ranging from Poi Dog Pondering to the new Nelly Furtado. After that we headed back to the house and chilled before hitting the sack.
Wedesday and Thursday down. We still have Friday, Saturday and Sunday left to go!
Join us again next Blog for the continuation of our little Florida couple's adventures in the west!
Saturday, January 10, 2004
I have this tree out my deskside window. It's past our privacy fence and beyond the evil pot-smoking neighbors' yard to our rear. In fact, I think it's across the street from them. But from here I can see it standing there over the barriers and climbing into the telephone cables. I don't know what kind of tree it is admittedly, but I have a fascination with it just the same. I'll find myself leaning back in my chair and just staring at it or I'll pause whatever I'm at in the kitchen and look out the sliding glass doors at it and just zone out.
During the summer the leaves are a nice green as is most flora here in Florida. However, when the fall comes and most other trees or bushes here just stay green or turn a dull brown this one deepened to a lovely red. What a vibrant red it was too. In fact, it was one of the deciding factors in the color I wanted to paint the kitchen. Later the leaves turned a bright yellow. It happened almost over night. I remember coming downstairs and heading into the kitchen to take my vitamins one morning and as I turned to swig my water the yellow jumped out at me through the blinds. I stared at it for a while before continuing with my daily pill-taking routine. I don't know why, but there is a certain solace in that tree for me. It's mine alone in the house and no one can touch it. I love that tree.
I'm sure one day someone will cut it down.
During the summer the leaves are a nice green as is most flora here in Florida. However, when the fall comes and most other trees or bushes here just stay green or turn a dull brown this one deepened to a lovely red. What a vibrant red it was too. In fact, it was one of the deciding factors in the color I wanted to paint the kitchen. Later the leaves turned a bright yellow. It happened almost over night. I remember coming downstairs and heading into the kitchen to take my vitamins one morning and as I turned to swig my water the yellow jumped out at me through the blinds. I stared at it for a while before continuing with my daily pill-taking routine. I don't know why, but there is a certain solace in that tree for me. It's mine alone in the house and no one can touch it. I love that tree.
I'm sure one day someone will cut it down.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Yay! I'm sexy, greek AND formidable!
How spiffing! You're Alexander the Great!
Yeah, baby. You were the King of Macedonia, and conqueror of much of the world; you're responsible for the spread of Christianity, as well as Hellenistic society and even the Roman Empire. Your power was feared for thousands of miles around.
And how gay were you. When you'd conquered Persia, you fell in love with a male courtier from that court - scandalous in those days, because the Persians were believed to be uncivilised barbarians.
You were always really in love with your boyhood friend, Hephaestion, and when he died you were grief-stricken to a legendary degree: convinced that he would live on after death, you passed away soon afterwards.
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
How spiffing! You're Alexander the Great!
Yeah, baby. You were the King of Macedonia, and conqueror of much of the world; you're responsible for the spread of Christianity, as well as Hellenistic society and even the Roman Empire. Your power was feared for thousands of miles around.
And how gay were you. When you'd conquered Persia, you fell in love with a male courtier from that court - scandalous in those days, because the Persians were believed to be uncivilised barbarians.
You were always really in love with your boyhood friend, Hephaestion, and when he died you were grief-stricken to a legendary degree: convinced that he would live on after death, you passed away soon afterwards.
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Monday, January 05, 2004
Lord of The Blogger: Return of The John
Starting a new feature on the blogger as of this post. One that I will not candy-coat for anyone whether it makes me look bad or not. This is the "What I'm listening to" line. This will allow the reader to enjoy the full interactive experience of my post by listening to the same music I am whilst posting! How new-fangled! Fun huh? We start this post with: Britney Spears - "Toxic". Listen...I said I wasn't going to candy-coat it by pretending to listen to ALL good music. I hate the bitch yes, but this song is infectious. Dare I say it's...Toxic? It's the beat and I'm a born dancer. Whatta ya do?
Okay...so November 21st was my last Blog. Sue me. I am admittedly not as prolific in my thoughts as dear Jane, but I try. I suppose if you're lucky enough to have Jane's phone number you could always call her and pump her for my latest antics. She gets them all in IM or on the phone. I know, I know...you think her lucky. I think she'd disagree given her exposure to the rantings of a Phred.
1.) So update yes? Got over the abscess. Thank every deity conceived.
Song switch: Basement Jaxx - "Get Me Off"
2.) Our thanksgiving, which took place on the 30th, was very nice. We held off for The John to come home and then coordinated with everyone. Attending were Myself and The John, Myshe, Bryan, Josh, Melonie (surprisingly), Robby, our pet hetero couple Jennifer & George and last but not least our out-of-towner friend Heather who drove down to be with us from Tennessee. Unfortunately Adam was unable to attend for all the work he had. C'est la vie. The food was splendid and the event lasted most of the night finally ending around 5am.
Song switch: Garbage - "Cherry Lips"
3.) With the December ensued the realization of "shit I waited too long this year". Thus the onslaught of baking, candy making, card writing and shopping. And so we're on the same page, the "Gays like shopping" stereotype is a load of bunk. I like to go out , get what I need and come home. There are times, though few and far between, where Phred will actually go to shop simply because he wants to hang in a mall. I rarely leave the house without purpose.
Eventually all things done, the packages and cards were sent out and with nearly 2 weeks to spare until Christmas! I felt accomplished on the "removed distant Christmas" front. The holiday at home crap had yet to begin. Only one casualty along the way with the mailed gifts. My sister and brother-in-law did not receive theirs thanks most likely to some asshole UPS driver. (He delivered to my mother and brother on the same day and was TERRIBLY rude). Someone else got to eat chocolate boobs. I hope they choke on the nipples.
Song switch: Christina Aguilera - "Falsas Esperanzas"
4.) Shopping was finally completed the day after Christmas proper for all the at home gift-giving. Again we've put a hold on the holidays to coincide with The John's return on January 8th. We'll be doing "Friend Crimmus" on the 10th to be followed by Family get-together on the 11th. I look forward to both with the addition of my sudden new grandfather Lee! You see, now that it's passed I am allowed to talk about my grandmother's elopement. I was privy to the information before it happened but sworn to secrecy. December 16th was the day in question. Good guy lee. I think my grandmother will be quite happy.
Song switch: Jennifer Lopez - "Baby I Love You" (I hate her too, but this is a really good song)
5.) Plans made and tickets purchased, The John and I will be flying out from New Orleans on the 14th of January to play with the Californian Boo Daggas who we've come to adore. We'll be at Jane & Sarah's through the 19th and will most likely return home exhausted and ready for another vacation. John will leave the night of the 21st to head back to the ship. Thankfully the rig they serviced has been pulled in and a new one is going up in the gulf nearer to Louisiana instead of Texas. This means The John's boat will be docked at Fourchon again taking 7-9 hours off each crew change's travel times. Praise the lord!
Song switch: Justin Guarini - "Sorry" (He may look like Kid's In The Hall's "Chicken Girl" but he's got a great voice)
6.) Between Christmas and the New year I received a wonderfully unexpected phone call. I picked up the phone and a voice on the other end said "Phred?". I answered with my usual "yes?" and was met with "It's Claire. Guess what?". I was so happy to hear from her that I just laughed. She continued with an excited "I'm in town!". Needless to say we got together over at her mom's house and had a blast. Claire is my a dear friend from High School that acted with me for years. My "Drama Sister" she and I were voted most talented in '88. Well she's pursued the art in New York since and is finally making the grade. She was featured in an oscar winning short called "By courier" and has a substantial part in the last 20 minutes of "Elf". In 2004 she'll appear in "House of D" directed by Duchovny. I got to meet her husband Brian who is a successful director in his own right. Hopefully we'll be going to visit them sometime this year and they might be able to make to our wedding.
Song switch: Macy Gray - "Caligula"
7.) Mother just IMmed me and informed me...she informed me that new Absolutely Fabulous started on the Oxygen channel! How did this escape my notice? I'm usually the one up on this. Kudos to my Mom! Maybe she's learning. The new Ab-Fab season will be 8 episodes long and appears on Oxygen Friday nights at 9 central. Cheers, yeah, cheers sweety.
Song switch: Kara's Flowers - "Rag Doll" (This group is what is now known as Maroon 5 and finally breaking through with "Harder to Breathe".)
So I think this brings us up-to-date on the goings on. As I sit here and type the sky darkens. It's been drizzling all day and my mood seems connected to it. Blech. I need to motivate again and finish organizing our room and doing my preliminary packing for the trip. I should also look up ticket prices for Albuquerque or Lubbock for The John's trip home in February.
Song switch: Kate Bush - "Why Should I Love You?" (Penned by Prince with background vocals no less. I love that man.)
He'll be going up to do a very late Christmas with his folks. I'm also finding out that this is the trip apparently. He says we talked about it but knowing my mind during the holidays it's like a sieve. I'm nervous for him about telling his mother that we're a couple. She already knows he's gay. They had that particular talk years ago before we were together but I think it was dismissed and swept under the rug. I just hope it goes well as he has no support there. I wish I could go.
Song switch: Linkin Park - "Faint" (Yes I listen to "hard" stuff too.)
Okay. I guess that's it for now. I really should get up and get going. Myshe will be home soon and I'm feeling a trip to Bluh-Bluh-Bluh (My name for Bed Bath & Beyond since I have this apparent inability to say those three words together in that order intelligibly).
I leave you all with the final song switch: Aimee Mann - "One" (One of the best covers ever. This is off the Magnolia soundtrack. Good movie too!)
Okay...so November 21st was my last Blog. Sue me. I am admittedly not as prolific in my thoughts as dear Jane, but I try. I suppose if you're lucky enough to have Jane's phone number you could always call her and pump her for my latest antics. She gets them all in IM or on the phone. I know, I know...you think her lucky. I think she'd disagree given her exposure to the rantings of a Phred.
1.) So update yes? Got over the abscess. Thank every deity conceived.
Song switch: Basement Jaxx - "Get Me Off"
2.) Our thanksgiving, which took place on the 30th, was very nice. We held off for The John to come home and then coordinated with everyone. Attending were Myself and The John, Myshe, Bryan, Josh, Melonie (surprisingly), Robby, our pet hetero couple Jennifer & George and last but not least our out-of-towner friend Heather who drove down to be with us from Tennessee. Unfortunately Adam was unable to attend for all the work he had. C'est la vie. The food was splendid and the event lasted most of the night finally ending around 5am.
Song switch: Garbage - "Cherry Lips"
3.) With the December ensued the realization of "shit I waited too long this year". Thus the onslaught of baking, candy making, card writing and shopping. And so we're on the same page, the "Gays like shopping" stereotype is a load of bunk. I like to go out , get what I need and come home. There are times, though few and far between, where Phred will actually go to shop simply because he wants to hang in a mall. I rarely leave the house without purpose.
Eventually all things done, the packages and cards were sent out and with nearly 2 weeks to spare until Christmas! I felt accomplished on the "removed distant Christmas" front. The holiday at home crap had yet to begin. Only one casualty along the way with the mailed gifts. My sister and brother-in-law did not receive theirs thanks most likely to some asshole UPS driver. (He delivered to my mother and brother on the same day and was TERRIBLY rude). Someone else got to eat chocolate boobs. I hope they choke on the nipples.
Song switch: Christina Aguilera - "Falsas Esperanzas"
4.) Shopping was finally completed the day after Christmas proper for all the at home gift-giving. Again we've put a hold on the holidays to coincide with The John's return on January 8th. We'll be doing "Friend Crimmus" on the 10th to be followed by Family get-together on the 11th. I look forward to both with the addition of my sudden new grandfather Lee! You see, now that it's passed I am allowed to talk about my grandmother's elopement. I was privy to the information before it happened but sworn to secrecy. December 16th was the day in question. Good guy lee. I think my grandmother will be quite happy.
Song switch: Jennifer Lopez - "Baby I Love You" (I hate her too, but this is a really good song)
5.) Plans made and tickets purchased, The John and I will be flying out from New Orleans on the 14th of January to play with the Californian Boo Daggas who we've come to adore. We'll be at Jane & Sarah's through the 19th and will most likely return home exhausted and ready for another vacation. John will leave the night of the 21st to head back to the ship. Thankfully the rig they serviced has been pulled in and a new one is going up in the gulf nearer to Louisiana instead of Texas. This means The John's boat will be docked at Fourchon again taking 7-9 hours off each crew change's travel times. Praise the lord!
Song switch: Justin Guarini - "Sorry" (He may look like Kid's In The Hall's "Chicken Girl" but he's got a great voice)
6.) Between Christmas and the New year I received a wonderfully unexpected phone call. I picked up the phone and a voice on the other end said "Phred?". I answered with my usual "yes?" and was met with "It's Claire. Guess what?". I was so happy to hear from her that I just laughed. She continued with an excited "I'm in town!". Needless to say we got together over at her mom's house and had a blast. Claire is my a dear friend from High School that acted with me for years. My "Drama Sister" she and I were voted most talented in '88. Well she's pursued the art in New York since and is finally making the grade. She was featured in an oscar winning short called "By courier" and has a substantial part in the last 20 minutes of "Elf". In 2004 she'll appear in "House of D" directed by Duchovny. I got to meet her husband Brian who is a successful director in his own right. Hopefully we'll be going to visit them sometime this year and they might be able to make to our wedding.
Song switch: Macy Gray - "Caligula"
7.) Mother just IMmed me and informed me...she informed me that new Absolutely Fabulous started on the Oxygen channel! How did this escape my notice? I'm usually the one up on this. Kudos to my Mom! Maybe she's learning. The new Ab-Fab season will be 8 episodes long and appears on Oxygen Friday nights at 9 central. Cheers, yeah, cheers sweety.
Song switch: Kara's Flowers - "Rag Doll" (This group is what is now known as Maroon 5 and finally breaking through with "Harder to Breathe".)
So I think this brings us up-to-date on the goings on. As I sit here and type the sky darkens. It's been drizzling all day and my mood seems connected to it. Blech. I need to motivate again and finish organizing our room and doing my preliminary packing for the trip. I should also look up ticket prices for Albuquerque or Lubbock for The John's trip home in February.
Song switch: Kate Bush - "Why Should I Love You?" (Penned by Prince with background vocals no less. I love that man.)
He'll be going up to do a very late Christmas with his folks. I'm also finding out that this is the trip apparently. He says we talked about it but knowing my mind during the holidays it's like a sieve. I'm nervous for him about telling his mother that we're a couple. She already knows he's gay. They had that particular talk years ago before we were together but I think it was dismissed and swept under the rug. I just hope it goes well as he has no support there. I wish I could go.
Song switch: Linkin Park - "Faint" (Yes I listen to "hard" stuff too.)
Okay. I guess that's it for now. I really should get up and get going. Myshe will be home soon and I'm feeling a trip to Bluh-Bluh-Bluh (My name for Bed Bath & Beyond since I have this apparent inability to say those three words together in that order intelligibly).
I leave you all with the final song switch: Aimee Mann - "One" (One of the best covers ever. This is off the Magnolia soundtrack. Good movie too!)
Friday, November 21, 2003
Welcome to Hell
I have an abscessed tooth brought on by this cold and my sinuses. I have not slept since tuesday night and the pain is constant. I started taking antibiotics tonight, but it's a good 2 days before they ease the pain. Misery loves company they say. I'm thinking of taking a sledgehammer to Myshe's head and driving the car over Josh. I wish I had a wood chipper. That's where the cats would go.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
My Halloween Costume: An Alien
I started the Halloween Holiday by deciding to go meet Myshe at Taco Rock for Chicken Quesadillaz (Don't ask me about the Z. When I redesigned their menus for them I asked and they said that's how they spelled it.) So, Myshe took some paid time off that she had to get rid of and headed over there for 1:00 pm. I got up, showered, dressed, puttered around until 12:15 and then decided to head that way. Placing my cellular in my pocket and grabbing my wallet I headed for the door. *Wait Phred* the little voice in my head demanded *Your sunglasses! It is awfully sunny today!* He was right! Despite a wonderful early week of chilly winds that made me coo like a dove, it was now hot and bright. I take heed and turn around to grab my glasses. I retrieve them from the foyer table and then head back to the door to finally leave. Did I grab my keys? That question assessed the weight in my right pocket and my little voice responds. *Yep, they're in your right pocket! You're good to go.* Excellent! All prepared I locked the door and head to the car. Once there I realize that this weight in my pocket is not my keys but my cell phone. I have locked myself out of the house. After cussing up a storm and threatening that little voice I pick up the paper on the end of our driveway and head to the back yard to sit and read the newspaper on the patio furniture supplied by the Parents. A quick call to friend Jennifer and she says she will meet Myshe at Taco Rock to tell her of my exploits. Luckily, Josh came home about a half hour later and let me in. In short, be afraid of the little voice in your head. Be very afraid.
Onward to our actual Halloween night festivities...
I have come to the realization that I am from a completely different world. Has anyone else had this epiphany?
9:00 pm - Myshe, Josh, Bryan, Adam and I headed to Seville Quarter to meet Jennifer, George and Ken. We find them at the Rosie O'Grady's Piano bar area and have a seat. The theme in Rosie's this year? Studio 54! All the bartenders are dressed in 70's garb with afros and butterfly collars as well as the waitresses and the three rotating Musicians. (They take turns playing the 2 pianos and drums, each one having a 20 minute break at intervals. They aren't actually rotating.) Above the pianos is a large Half moon with face and the spoon filled with cocaine hovering just under his nose a la Studio 54. Adam frowned and looked up at it with a "Oh joy. This is really good for my recovery". I had to agree. He decided just to engulf himself in conversation and ignore it. It was easy to do with he and I making fun of every straight person that came in.
Don't get me wrong, I love me some heterosexuals. In fact, I have more straight friends than gay. But this crowd was not the cream of the crop.
Anyhow, as our evening in the land of Jarheads continued I came to a few soul-searched revelations:
1) I hate people that work behind a bar that refer to themselves as "Bartender" when they can't make a damn thing. Repeated replies of "What's in it" just pisses me off. Who's the goddamn bartender here? If I knew what was in it you dumb ho' I'd be back there and you'd be waiting tables! Needless to say. I didn't have a drink while there.
2) Squids, Jarheads, High-n-Tights...whatever the name, I hate Marines. They are worse than a gaggle of label queens at a runway show. They always have something to prove and are constantly threatened. Are they really this insecure with themselves? Again, I do have a couple marine friends that are really sweet and I love them dearly. But as for the rest, seek therapy you assholes. That is, if you can spell therapy.
3) Straight women that feel the need to wear this little spaghetti string tops, hip-huggers and who all have bleached out hairdos and styles in an effort to look at strung out as their apparent goddess Tara Reid. They all look like rejects from American Pie, cannot dance, do not know the lyrics to songs they still try to sing ("play a..me..song, Missus Montana man! Play me and sing tonight!" - You don't fuck with Billy Joel. Just don't sing!) and they feel like they have to put their hands on every single male that walks by within arms reach of them. Again we are faced with some really insecure beeotches. One laid a hand on me as we passed and I simply looked at her and then her hand and asked "What?". She just smiled. I sneered. She looked vacant. I wished her dead and moved on. As Missy Elliott says "I don'wannahangwith beeetches."
4) Ashley Holder frequents this bar. That, in itself, is enough to keep me away. I won't go into the history of Ashley and I. Suffice it so say that she was my closest friend next to Adam through school who suddenly found an in with the snotty, populars and stabbed me in the back in the process. She was the first official "come out" friend I had. She was very understanding that night. The next day I was the butt of jokes between her new Jock friends and herself. Years of friendship literally changed in the breadth of an evening. So, that's the nutshell version of my loathing for the asshole. As I saw her enter and look around the bar in her little camo military hat, her cut-off half khaki shirt and the coochie-cutter camo short-shorts and combat boots I felt the venom in my mouth build. Adam saw her and tapped me "Look who's here." I nodded and pointed out the slutball threads she was barely draped in. He added "Well she was in the service you know." I shook my head and corrected him with "No sir. The service was in her." My claws were out now at her presence and everytime they rang the large bell over the bar in Rosie's I half expected to see her running from the trough. To my elation, I saw her no more that night.
5) I am an alien here. I thought perhaps there was a bridge of diplomacy between the two cultures. A bridge that I could straddle and enjoy both worlds. I think that bridge has dynamite taped to the underside.
11:00 - We leave Jennifer, George and Ken at Rosie O'Grady's and head to Emerald City to see how the other half is celebrating.
We pay our cover to the overweight drag queen at the door and head in. The decorations are far better than Seville and the costumes are of a higher grade. (You'll find that straight men for the most part don't give a shit about dressing up. They just buy the Target 19.99 special and put it on incorrectly and go.) I'd half expected this given "The Gays" and their penchant for decoration. Mind you, there are exceptions. The trashy little sissy walking...wait walking doesn't describe it. You know how show horses do that little strut with the overpronounced steps? That's how he was moving from place to place. Anyhow, he horse-sashayed all over the bar in a wife-beater and a thong with these little booties. It took everything I had not to push him down the concrete stairs leading down from the patio on the roof of the bar a la "Showgirls" (I saw it, Nomi was nowhere near her. Can I be your understudy now Nomi?)
The drinks were better here. At least Kat, Jessica and Jean-Paul (Who bears a striking and unsettling resemblance to my ex Robert) know how to make a damn Mojito. They just don't have the necessary ingredients. That I can deal with, incompetence I can't. So, relying on an old faithful, I resorted to a Rum Punch. I decided one cocktail was enough after that and drank 3.00 bottled water the rest of the night.
Lauryn Mitchell, a person we know from waaaaaaaay back was the MC that night and even came out in her little vinyl Nun's outfit and did the cover of "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson. It was okay. She (I use that pronoun loosely here) then proceeded to gather the contestants for the costume contest. It was interesting to see how many stupid gay men thought no shirt, a g-string and boots was a "costume". It was less interesting to see how most of the crowd agreed. Some were okay like the Wood Nymph (She was really groovy) and Wasuchi (Tribal Indian dancer). The overall winner was "Pharaoh". Now you'd think given my love for all things Ancient Egyptian I'd have been all about this guy. Not so. He was a strapping young black buck of very nice build and wore a loin sash with an Ankh on it. He had some black eyeliner on and a little body glitter. That was it. He was no more an "Pharaoh" than me had I shoved a Sphinx up my butt and ran around in the sand. Yet, since he was in little to nothing, he won. Very disappointing.
The highlight of the costume contest, however, was "Xanadu". The costume was simple and funny but nothing to write home about. Roller skates, striped knee-high socks. Little shorts, a very 70's t-shirt and this big blond afro with headphones over them. He skated up onto the stage and around. It was cute. He was incredible. Hands down he was physically one of those men that makes me tingle inside. He had perfect legs (And I'm a BIG leg man) and fantastic arms. Later when he took his shirt off I nearly passed out. You truly don't see one of these physiques very often, other than in your fantasies. The best part was that he was a natural blond. Not a bleached freak but a very light golden dust over the chest kind of blond. Needless to say I was in total and complete support of one of the 7 deadly sins. John REALLY needed to be home. (Sorry Mom, but your son is gay and does notice men)
After the contest it was pretty much business as usual. Dancing to music that has no beginning and no end. I used to love pre-techno industrial music and even the beginning of techno. Now I'm thoroughly sick of electronica and the fact that you can't tell where one song leaves off and the other starts.
I did get to see an old friend from UPS and talk to him for a while which was really nice. Sometime later we decided to leave and go eat at Denny's.
Thus I came to my Gay bar realizations:
1) Drama Queens, Bar-whores, Flitting Pansies, or just plain Faggots. No matter the name, I detest the general populace of a "Gay" bar. As with most groups, there are exceptions though few and far between.
2) I loathe that this group of people represents me. They are in no way indicative of who or what I am. Just because we eat at the same buffet doesn't mean we sit at the same table.
3) Half-naked men are NOT in costume. They are ready for sleazy sex in a back alley NOT a costume contest! Get a clue people!!!!!! That's' worse than the K-Mart 12.00 "Sexy Vampire King" package.
4) What happened to fun in these places? I remember when going to a "Gay" bar was about having a good time. Dancing, seeing your friends, laughing, those sorts of things. Now it's Who can I lay? Who's got drugs? Who's looking at me? Who's talking smack about me? If I wanted all this I'd A) Watch Hispanic Soap Operas or B) have stayed friends with Ash-Hole (See earlier entry about Ashley Holder)
5) I am an alien here. I thought perhaps there was a bridge of diplomacy between the two cultures. A bridge that I could straddle and enjoy both worlds. I think that bridge has a Fairy standing in the middle wearing a tu-tu with a lit stick of dynamite sticking out of his butt.
Where does one find a niche when they feel nicheless? Tab "A" doesn't always fit into slot "B".
Beyond all of this...not one damn ankle-gnarler rang our doorbell last night for candy. I carved a pumpkin. I bought groovy spider decorations and even put a red lightbulb in the porch light. Not one came. I boycott the little bastards next year. And if they come in 2004, they get a bible tract.
Onward to our actual Halloween night festivities...
I have come to the realization that I am from a completely different world. Has anyone else had this epiphany?
9:00 pm - Myshe, Josh, Bryan, Adam and I headed to Seville Quarter to meet Jennifer, George and Ken. We find them at the Rosie O'Grady's Piano bar area and have a seat. The theme in Rosie's this year? Studio 54! All the bartenders are dressed in 70's garb with afros and butterfly collars as well as the waitresses and the three rotating Musicians. (They take turns playing the 2 pianos and drums, each one having a 20 minute break at intervals. They aren't actually rotating.) Above the pianos is a large Half moon with face and the spoon filled with cocaine hovering just under his nose a la Studio 54. Adam frowned and looked up at it with a "Oh joy. This is really good for my recovery". I had to agree. He decided just to engulf himself in conversation and ignore it. It was easy to do with he and I making fun of every straight person that came in.
Don't get me wrong, I love me some heterosexuals. In fact, I have more straight friends than gay. But this crowd was not the cream of the crop.
Anyhow, as our evening in the land of Jarheads continued I came to a few soul-searched revelations:
1) I hate people that work behind a bar that refer to themselves as "Bartender" when they can't make a damn thing. Repeated replies of "What's in it" just pisses me off. Who's the goddamn bartender here? If I knew what was in it you dumb ho' I'd be back there and you'd be waiting tables! Needless to say. I didn't have a drink while there.
2) Squids, Jarheads, High-n-Tights...whatever the name, I hate Marines. They are worse than a gaggle of label queens at a runway show. They always have something to prove and are constantly threatened. Are they really this insecure with themselves? Again, I do have a couple marine friends that are really sweet and I love them dearly. But as for the rest, seek therapy you assholes. That is, if you can spell therapy.
3) Straight women that feel the need to wear this little spaghetti string tops, hip-huggers and who all have bleached out hairdos and styles in an effort to look at strung out as their apparent goddess Tara Reid. They all look like rejects from American Pie, cannot dance, do not know the lyrics to songs they still try to sing ("play a..me..song, Missus Montana man! Play me and sing tonight!" - You don't fuck with Billy Joel. Just don't sing!) and they feel like they have to put their hands on every single male that walks by within arms reach of them. Again we are faced with some really insecure beeotches. One laid a hand on me as we passed and I simply looked at her and then her hand and asked "What?". She just smiled. I sneered. She looked vacant. I wished her dead and moved on. As Missy Elliott says "I don'wannahangwith beeetches."
4) Ashley Holder frequents this bar. That, in itself, is enough to keep me away. I won't go into the history of Ashley and I. Suffice it so say that she was my closest friend next to Adam through school who suddenly found an in with the snotty, populars and stabbed me in the back in the process. She was the first official "come out" friend I had. She was very understanding that night. The next day I was the butt of jokes between her new Jock friends and herself. Years of friendship literally changed in the breadth of an evening. So, that's the nutshell version of my loathing for the asshole. As I saw her enter and look around the bar in her little camo military hat, her cut-off half khaki shirt and the coochie-cutter camo short-shorts and combat boots I felt the venom in my mouth build. Adam saw her and tapped me "Look who's here." I nodded and pointed out the slutball threads she was barely draped in. He added "Well she was in the service you know." I shook my head and corrected him with "No sir. The service was in her." My claws were out now at her presence and everytime they rang the large bell over the bar in Rosie's I half expected to see her running from the trough. To my elation, I saw her no more that night.
5) I am an alien here. I thought perhaps there was a bridge of diplomacy between the two cultures. A bridge that I could straddle and enjoy both worlds. I think that bridge has dynamite taped to the underside.
11:00 - We leave Jennifer, George and Ken at Rosie O'Grady's and head to Emerald City to see how the other half is celebrating.
We pay our cover to the overweight drag queen at the door and head in. The decorations are far better than Seville and the costumes are of a higher grade. (You'll find that straight men for the most part don't give a shit about dressing up. They just buy the Target 19.99 special and put it on incorrectly and go.) I'd half expected this given "The Gays" and their penchant for decoration. Mind you, there are exceptions. The trashy little sissy walking...wait walking doesn't describe it. You know how show horses do that little strut with the overpronounced steps? That's how he was moving from place to place. Anyhow, he horse-sashayed all over the bar in a wife-beater and a thong with these little booties. It took everything I had not to push him down the concrete stairs leading down from the patio on the roof of the bar a la "Showgirls" (I saw it, Nomi was nowhere near her. Can I be your understudy now Nomi?)
The drinks were better here. At least Kat, Jessica and Jean-Paul (Who bears a striking and unsettling resemblance to my ex Robert) know how to make a damn Mojito. They just don't have the necessary ingredients. That I can deal with, incompetence I can't. So, relying on an old faithful, I resorted to a Rum Punch. I decided one cocktail was enough after that and drank 3.00 bottled water the rest of the night.
Lauryn Mitchell, a person we know from waaaaaaaay back was the MC that night and even came out in her little vinyl Nun's outfit and did the cover of "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson. It was okay. She (I use that pronoun loosely here) then proceeded to gather the contestants for the costume contest. It was interesting to see how many stupid gay men thought no shirt, a g-string and boots was a "costume". It was less interesting to see how most of the crowd agreed. Some were okay like the Wood Nymph (She was really groovy) and Wasuchi (Tribal Indian dancer). The overall winner was "Pharaoh". Now you'd think given my love for all things Ancient Egyptian I'd have been all about this guy. Not so. He was a strapping young black buck of very nice build and wore a loin sash with an Ankh on it. He had some black eyeliner on and a little body glitter. That was it. He was no more an "Pharaoh" than me had I shoved a Sphinx up my butt and ran around in the sand. Yet, since he was in little to nothing, he won. Very disappointing.
The highlight of the costume contest, however, was "Xanadu". The costume was simple and funny but nothing to write home about. Roller skates, striped knee-high socks. Little shorts, a very 70's t-shirt and this big blond afro with headphones over them. He skated up onto the stage and around. It was cute. He was incredible. Hands down he was physically one of those men that makes me tingle inside. He had perfect legs (And I'm a BIG leg man) and fantastic arms. Later when he took his shirt off I nearly passed out. You truly don't see one of these physiques very often, other than in your fantasies. The best part was that he was a natural blond. Not a bleached freak but a very light golden dust over the chest kind of blond. Needless to say I was in total and complete support of one of the 7 deadly sins. John REALLY needed to be home. (Sorry Mom, but your son is gay and does notice men)
After the contest it was pretty much business as usual. Dancing to music that has no beginning and no end. I used to love pre-techno industrial music and even the beginning of techno. Now I'm thoroughly sick of electronica and the fact that you can't tell where one song leaves off and the other starts.
I did get to see an old friend from UPS and talk to him for a while which was really nice. Sometime later we decided to leave and go eat at Denny's.
Thus I came to my Gay bar realizations:
1) Drama Queens, Bar-whores, Flitting Pansies, or just plain Faggots. No matter the name, I detest the general populace of a "Gay" bar. As with most groups, there are exceptions though few and far between.
2) I loathe that this group of people represents me. They are in no way indicative of who or what I am. Just because we eat at the same buffet doesn't mean we sit at the same table.
3) Half-naked men are NOT in costume. They are ready for sleazy sex in a back alley NOT a costume contest! Get a clue people!!!!!! That's' worse than the K-Mart 12.00 "Sexy Vampire King" package.
4) What happened to fun in these places? I remember when going to a "Gay" bar was about having a good time. Dancing, seeing your friends, laughing, those sorts of things. Now it's Who can I lay? Who's got drugs? Who's looking at me? Who's talking smack about me? If I wanted all this I'd A) Watch Hispanic Soap Operas or B) have stayed friends with Ash-Hole (See earlier entry about Ashley Holder)
5) I am an alien here. I thought perhaps there was a bridge of diplomacy between the two cultures. A bridge that I could straddle and enjoy both worlds. I think that bridge has a Fairy standing in the middle wearing a tu-tu with a lit stick of dynamite sticking out of his butt.
Where does one find a niche when they feel nicheless? Tab "A" doesn't always fit into slot "B".
Beyond all of this...not one damn ankle-gnarler rang our doorbell last night for candy. I carved a pumpkin. I bought groovy spider decorations and even put a red lightbulb in the porch light. Not one came. I boycott the little bastards next year. And if they come in 2004, they get a bible tract.
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