Reviews on the Fly

Music at the moment: Shakira - La Tortura

Received my ordered copy of John Waters' A Dirty Shame. Funny, irreverent and crass. This harkens back to classic Waters. I didn't even mind Johnny Knoxville being in it. DO NOT watch "The Neuter Version". It's abysmal.

Phred Phun Phactor: 7 out of 10

******
Fantastic Four

Le sigh. Okay so it's better than all the previous incarnations of this film. This concept's screen history is long and troubled and I fear this is as close as we'll ever get to a correct realization.

Reed? Okay. I was happier with his portrayal than expected. He's still too young in my mind's eye but I keep telling myself that Reed was young at one point in time anyhow so I deal. Powers? So-so done. I felt the CG was a little low in spots and they made far less use of him than they could have. Elasti-Girl in the Incredibles kicked more ass than him.

Ben? Chiklis did a really good job. After all, this was typecasting. I liked Thing a hell of a lot more than I thought I would and despite the overall rubber factor, his look wasn't that bad.

Johnny? Wow. Okay so I've been hot for Chris Evans since Not Another Teen Movie. It's the chest, it's like my Kryptonite. But did he ever peg Johnny Storm. I thoroughly enjoyed the hell out of his performance. I still dislike the fact that he isn't blond (yet they even make a reference to him being blond in the movie..um...ok.), but he did a great job. His effects were splendid and I felt I was really seeing The Human Torch.

Victor? Feh. What was SO incredibly hard about inserting Doom with the right history? I mean come on! The staple of FF nemeses cheapened to hell and back by giving him electrical powers, fleeting references to Latveria and turning him to metal. Vomit with a capital Spew. I guess next it will be the Iron Man Movie where we find that the alien T'ony S'tark from the planet of Ironia has come to earth to protect its people using his racial powers to change to an energized metal. STOP FUCKING UP ORIGINS. There is no call for it.

Alicia? Um. Er. You people need to read a little closer next time. She's BLind. Not BLack.

So did I forget anyone? Nope. Absolutely no one at all. Thus ends my review of Fantastic Four.

Phred Phun Phactor: 3 out of 10

Oh...Sue? Wait...was Invisible T&A in the movie? If so, I totally missed her poorly-cast, usless, terribly-portrayed ass. Geneticist..yeah, like I believed that.

******

Going to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. We'll see. I don't know about Johnny Depp.