I got this mail a couple months ago and had truly meant to sit down and blog about it. Well, one thing leads to another and it ends up buried under other importantesque papers on the desk. Cleaning today, I excavated this remarkable bit of dead tree and now I pass its light and holiness onto all of you.
I'm not the first and I won't be the last to blog about this. I am me, however, and I simply must comment.
The Saint Matthew's Church wants me (well okay, so it wasn't addressed to me personally, but I just KNOW they meant me and definitely not that two-bit tramp that lived here before us.) to know that by kneeling and praying on their quaint little paper prayer rug I will be blessed like no other has been blessed before. They mean Mad blessings! Total blessapalooza! Blessed up one side and down the other!
The (Paper) Church Prayer Rug
Well, I could hardly beleive what luck! So I take out my paper prayer rug and get to being blessed!
On the back of the prayer rug it reads "This Prayer Rug is soaked with the Power of Prayer for you. Use it immediately, then please return it with your prayer needs checked on our letter to you. It must be mailed to a second home that needs a blessing after you use it. Prayer works. Expect God's blessing."
Wow!
So I look at the front of the prayer rug now.
There's jesus looking rather calm and mellow with his usual crown of thorns. (According to the picture he apparently barely notices the crown. Desensitized?)
At the bottom of the rug is a small border with more text: "Look into Jesus' Eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening and looking back into your eyes. Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees. Then please check your needs on our letter to you. Please return this Prayer Rug. Do not keep it."
Well SHIT!
Dammit dammit dammit.
I was NEVER any good at these damn stare at them bug-eye pictures! I don't care how damn long I would stare at the messed up purple and blue spiralled fractal in front of me I NEVER SAW THE DAMN CAMEL!
So now I'm supposed to stare at Jesus until he looks back at me. That's just great.
No camel and a headache later I decide Jesus is just way too chilled out on the rug to bother looking back at me so I give up and decide to skip the rubbing paper on knees bit and go straight for the "needs" part.
Reading it over I note the items listed in all the check places:
Pray for my family and me for...
( ) My Soul
( ) A Better Job
( ) A Closer walk With jesus
( ) A Home to call My Own
( ) My Health
( ) A New car
( ) A Family Member's Health
( ) A Money Blessing
( ) Confusion in my home
( ) I want to be saved
( ) My Children
( ) Pray for God to bless me with this amount of money: $_________
( ) To Stop a Bad habit
( ) Please, especially pray for this person: _____________________
( ) Also pray for (please print):____________________
( ) Enclosed is my seed gift to God's work of $____________
WHAT!!?? Bewilderment! Shock! I could NOT believe! Of all the things they had on this list (and some quite specific down to monetary amount) they didn't have the one thing I needed the most!!!
I set that right immediately by scrawling in the first available space under the list:
( ) To be able to see Jesus' eyes look back and the camel please, thanks!
Well, I felt a lot better after that. I somehow thought that maybe Saint Matthew's was trying to get through to people to let them know that YES God will grant you the root of all evil if you write down a nice numerical amount and make a pretty checkmark in the alotted space. I just didn't think they were doing it right.
I decided to help them out the best way I could. When people get this precious, blessed piece of paper they have to KNOW what it will do for them! The old look of the prayer rug just doesn't cut it. I'm sending them my suggestion for a new way to drive that home.
My Improvement!
I think this will really help their profits....er prophets! Glad I could help Saint Matthew's Church in Tulsa OK!! May you see the camel!
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